Just Clean Jokes

You Know You Are Old When

1. Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.

2. The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bi-focals.

3. You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

4. Your ears are hairier than your head.

5. Your children begin to look middle aged.

6. You finally reach the top of the ladder and find it leaning against
the wrong wall.

7. Your mind makes contracts your body can't meet.

8. You look forward to a dull evening.

9. Your favorite part of the newspaper is "20 Years Ago Today."

10. You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.

11. You wear black socks with sandals.

12. Your knees buckle, and your belt won't.

13. You take a metal detector to the beach.

14. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

15. Your back goes out more than you do.

16. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

17. You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.

18. The little old gray haired lady you helped across the street is your
wife.

19. You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.

20. You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine
cabinet.

21. You would rather go to work than stay home sick.

22. You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.

23. You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.

24. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into
the room.

25. You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.

26. You are proud of your lawn mower.

27. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"

28. Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

29. You sing along with the elevator music.

30. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.